I am not sure how it came around so quickly, but Parent’s Evening at my son’s school marks another significant moment for me.
Not least to say that this time last year everything was very different.
This year as I wandered into the school hall on my own (we went together last time) I was greeted by the headmistress. We had a little chat, and she asked me how I was? How kind of her to remember whos mummy I was, and what we had been through.
Funnily enough in years gone by I would have known her a bit better I thought, as we made polite conversation. I would have been the mum who got involved, the mum who joined the PTA and knew everyone else, but then, I would have done a lot of things if it had all happened differently.
Before it was my turn to speak with Noah’s teacher I felt an odd sense of dread, as if it is was me who was about to be reviewed. The resulting conversation obviously didn’t go anything like I imagined of course. We briefly went over Noah’s work, but more important than the academic things, I discovered that he tries his very hardest and gets on with all of his class mates. He is polite and happy and cheeky.
Learning of his happiness brought some relief. Mainly because his behaviour at home can often leave a lot to be desired. More than this though, I know he is a little worrier. To know that he has come through a tough time at home with a big smile on his face, tells me that we handled it all in the right way. Or at least, the way in which we thought best at the time.
Last year I desperately wanted to write to the children’s teachers and show them ‘who my children really were’. Now it seems I don’t need to do that as my little boy is not so little anymore. He is showing them for himself, and this makes us very proud parents.
Isla on the other hand, is not so happy at the moment.
The reason I went alone to Parent’s Evening is because she is recovering from a bout of chicken pox and so her daddy stayed at home to look after her and put her to bed.
Before she fell ill, we had a week of her getting very upset about going to nursery, or taking part in swimming lessons. I am hoping that this is all because kids just get clingy and cry a lot as they are coming down with something.
It seems though that our little one is only really happy when she is with me, and it is a difficult one to deal with as a parent.
Of course I love that she needs me and loves to be around me – the feeling is mutual, but I am mindful that this can go a bit too far the other way.
When I returned home from Parent’s Evening I crept in so as not to disturb anyone, and I heard her tell her daddy that she wanted me. I didn’t go upstairs, not because I didn’t want to give her a good night kiss, but because I need for her to learn to settle with her daddy too.
She has also started to cry when she learns that she is going to nursery. Even though she has friends there and likes her teachers – again this could be because of her being poorly, but it feels like she is regressing rather than becoming more independent. Of course I have asked her why nursery is upsetting her because I am sure there is a reason that she all of a sudden seems so unhappy, but she doesn’t seem to be able to say to me.
I am sure that it will all be fine, but I can’t help but worry as her mummy that everything has taken its toll on her a bit more than I thought it had. I suppose I will always carry this mummy guilt that my illness has somehow affected them both in some way. I truely hope that it hasn’t.
As always we will carry on the way that we always do. Keeping to the daily routine and lots of reassurance and patience, in the hope that it all works itself out eventually.
For the time being though, a week off nursery and a week of co-sleeping for comfort, means that we face a tough week of getting back to normal. Being a parent is tough going, especially when you want to be as close to your children as possible and at the same time help them to maintain their own independence where you can.
At the moment I am not 100% sure that I am going about things in the right way, but I know I am giving it the best that I have got.